Most Self-Aggrandizing Post UM Could Think Of (And UM Thought Hard)

I’ll be honest; I dig the word self-aggrandizing. Self-aggrandizing, of course, means to enhance or exaggerate your own reputation, importance, or things like that. Generally. self-aggrandizing comes in the form of comments about one’s self. Boasts especially: “I am astoundingly awesome!” is pretty good self-aggrandizement. And some sassifying (thanks to Clarence Carter) alliteration to boot.

But the best part of the word self-aggrandizing, in UM’s 3^rd-person assessment, is that it’s basically a vocab word (50-cent word, $5-dollar word, or whichever inflation-corrected self-identifying socioeconomically-telling figure you choose, but don’t worry, UM ain’t one fer judgin’) that when used, pretty much does what it says. That is, if you ever use the term ‘self-aggrandizing’ in a sentence, you’re engaging in self-aggrandizement, if you think about it. When UM uses it, it’s partially because it’s the right word, but also because it’s show-offy and self-aggrandizing, to be honest, because most people don’t know the word.

So much like many other less-commonly used words, when you use ‘self-aggrandizing’ in common conversation, (e.g. “His comments, typically, were totally self-aggrandizing, dude!”) you are signaling your immense erudition, knowledge of all things vocabularial (I, awesomely, just made up a word to describe a vocabulary) and that, as Stephen King might put it, You Are An Intellectual Force To Be Reckoned With. George Will has essentially made an entire career of pithy observations on Conservative governance and baseball wrapped in portentous (Ok overblown would’ve worked here, too) language. What’s not to like?

So you can now use ‘self-aggrandizing’ in conversation, secure in the knowledge that in doing so, you’re secretly giving yourself props, which you probably definitely deserve. Unless the other person knows the word, at which point it becomes like you’re in a secret club. A secret club based on its members’ tremendous vocabulary; UM can only imagine the paroxysms of delight that must follow!

And lastly, when other people use ‘self-aggrandizing’, you can silently snicker at them, knowing that they’re really just self-aggrandizing themselves (which sounds a little dirty), even if they don’t. Although if they say they don’t, they’re probably just practicing the ancient art of self-deception. Take it from UM, who keeps being told that he should know about that. And as for deciphering hidden motives that other people don’t even know they have…spooky. Expanding your vocabulary to psychoanalyze your friends and family should definitely win you friends, get you more chicks, and earn you fame/fortune, in UM’s humble opinion. Until later, my confreres!